


The Color of Sunshine

by aph_pasta



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dating, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hetalia rarepairs, M/M, Nonverbal Communication, Selectively mute, Sign Language, Speech Disorders, Synesthesia, cute love story, slight past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2019-07-12 14:49:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15997472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aph_pasta/pseuds/aph_pasta
Summary: Feliks doesn't talk, but he still has a lot to say. Feliciano sees color in words, even the ones he can't hear.ItaPol College AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I must really hate myself, because I started this while I have 4 other fics to work on. I'm sorry for slow updates, but I promise I'm not abandoning anything!
> 
> Throughout the story, Italics indicate something that's written and bold indicates ASL

For the fifth time, Feliks knocked on the door to his dorm room. He was no longer just doing a normal ‘please let me in’ type of knock, he was slamming his fist hard enough on the door to wake up everyone in the building. Usually his roommate would have answered on the second knock if not the first one. Obviously, they were gone, if not deaf or dead. 

 

Feliks let out a sigh and leaned against the wall, looking down at his feet. He’d been at a frat party and hadn’t even realized his purse was gone until he’d returned to his apartment and realized he couldn’t find his keys. Or his phone to call his roommate, or his student id, or any money, though that wouldn’t help him much in this situation.

 

When Feliks had walked into the dorms, the front desk had been closed. Of course it was, it had to be at least two in the morning. This wasn’t the kind of emergency that warranted a call to the campus police, and even then he didn’t have a phone. He’d have to just stick it out for the night.

 

There were couches in the common area of the dorm, so Feliks went back down the stairs to wait there. He was exhausted, but there was no way he would fall asleep and let himself be more vulnerable than he already was. He just needed to wait a few hours until someone came to work the front desk and he could get a new key, or until his roommate returned from wherever they were.

 

He chose a couch facing towards the doors and sat tentatively on the end of it. There wasn’t very much to keep him occupied, so he grabbed one of the pamphlets off the table. It was advertising alcoholics anonymous, and he normally wouldn’t be reading that sort of thing, but he  _ had  _ to stay awake. 

 

Feliks read over the introduction, some paragraph asking if he or a loved one was experiencing signs of alcoholism. He could barely get through the first few sentences without yawning. His eyes began to flutter when he reached the second paragraph, and nothing in it made any sense. By the time he was struggling through the first line of the 12-step program, Feliks’s eyes had begun to shut of their own accord and he could feel his mind pulling him in, begging him to just go to sleep.

 

“Are the couches really that comfy?”

 

A voice came from in front of him and Feliks startled awake. It took him a moment to realize where he was and why he was there, but that didn’t make him any less terrified. 

 

“Oh! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you! I just came down here to draw and I saw you and I guess the couches must really be comfy or you must be lost or really really drunk, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

 

Feliks forced himself to calm down, because there was no point in getting all worked up over someone else sitting down in front of him.

 

“So tell me, what are you doing here? Did your roommate kick you out? Sometimes one of mine will do that when he’s having people over.”

 

Feliks opened his mouth to respond, but he already knew he couldn’t. At best, he could force out a few words with close friends. He was definitely not at his best now. Feliks doubted this random man knew ASL, but he tried anyway, signing that his key was stolen. The guy across from him furrowed his brows and tilted his head to the side.

 

“You’re deaf?” he asked, thinking that was what Feliks was trying to tell him.

 

He shook his head and glanced next to him, where he would usually put his purse. Of course, his phone was gone. He had no idea how to communicate.

 

“Uh… you took a vow of silence?”

 

If it weren’t for the situation, Feliks would have laughed. People were generally curious about the fact that he didn’t talk and had asked him some pretty odd things, but this was definitely up there when it came to weird questions. 

 

“Here, how about this?” the man opened the sketchbook in front of him and tore out a blank page. He passed that and a pencil to Feliks. He hesitated, before writing down what he’d wanted to say before.

 

_ I just don’t talk. It’s not important. I was at a party and someone stole my purse. My room key and phone were in there and I can’t find my roommate, so I’m locked out. I was planning on waiting until someone came to the front desk and I could ask for a new key, but I guess I fell asleep. _

 

Feliks pushed the paper across from him and watched the man pick it up and read it over. He was frowning a little, and when he’d finished reading, he looked up at Feliks. “Oh, that’s really not good. You shouldn’t have to wait here, though. These couches really aren’t very comfy to sleep on.” 

 

Feliks shrugged, as though to say that he didn’t have a choice. He leaned over and reached for the paper, and the man set it in his hand, along with his pencil. This time, it didn’t take long for him to write.

 

_ Why are you down here in the middle of the night? _

 

“Why not?” he asked, and laughed. “Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I just get an idea for something to draw and I have to draw it. I had this dream of a castle in the mountains in the middle of winter with snow all over it, and so I came down here to draw it.”

 

There was silence for a second as the man flipped through his sketchbook, looking for the next available page to start on. “So, what’s your name? Mine’s Feliciano.” 

 

He hadn’t let go of the piece of paper, just turned it around so the man could see what he’d written, so Feliks turned it back towards himself and wrote his first name, adding a little smiley face after it. He wasn’t at all comfortable with Feliciano yet, but he was by no means uncomfortable, and wanted him to know that.

 

“Wow, Feliks, that’s a cool name. It fits you, it’s the same color as your hair..”

 

That was an odd remark, but he didn’t dwell on it. Plus, he didn’t have time to, because Feliciano was talking again.

 

“Well, you can come and spend the night in my room. I’m not tired anymore because I’m thinking too much about art, so you can sleep in my bed, and then tomorrow you won’t be tired when you go to look for your purse.”

 

It obviously didn’t occur to him how creepy it was to offer to let a stranger sleep in his bed. And for some reason, Feliks knew he wouldn’t be in any danger if he said yes. Still, he was hesitant. It was hard for him to trust people he didn’t know yet, even if they’d proven to be harmless.

 

Feliciano did, however, understand his hesitation and reached out to give his hand a quick squeeze. “My roommates won’t bother you, and I can stay up there with you if you want. It’ll be better than sleeping on the couch down here, though.”

 

Feliks sucked in a breath and thought it over. People always told him that he was too cautious and nervous, and this was probably one of those situations where he should just go for it. It wasn’t like there was anything that seemed glaringly wrong or creepy about this. Feliks nodded, and Feliciano smiled.

 

“Come on, I’ll walk you there,” he said, standing up. Feliks stood up as well and played with the frayed sleeve of the sweatshirt he was wearing. He followed Feliciano up the stairs to the second floor, listening to him talk.

 

“I live in one of the bigger dorms with three people, and we each get our own room, so there’s more privacy. I don’t like closing my door much or being on my own because I’d much prefer talking to people. My roommates don’t talk much but I really like both of them. They’re really smart and if I ever have trouble with my classwork they’ll help me out,” they rounded a corner, and Feliciano took out a key card to open the door. “This is my room!” he announced, before suddenly realizing he’d spoken too loudly and smacking his hand over his mouth.

 

Feliks smiled and let himself be led through the small living room and into one of the bedrooms. It was just big enough to cram in a bed and a desk, but it looked even smaller because of the amount of pillows and blankets and stuffed animals Feliciano had crammed inside. It was cosy, and even though nothing matched and it was so crowded, Feliks decided he liked it.

 

“I’ll be on the couch in the living room, and if you need me you can come get me. I’ll leave you alone now, you look tired. Goodnight!” Feliciano was about to turn to leave, when Feliks looked up at met his eyes. He smiled and pressed the tips of his fingers against his chin then brought his hand down, the sign for thank you. Feliks mouthed the words as well to make sure he understood.

 

“Oh! It’s no problem,” Feliciano said, before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. Feliks took off his shoes and pushed aside some of the stuffed animals so he could get on the bed. All the blankets and pillows were quite comfortable, and he fell asleep almost as soon as he’d laid down.

 

The next morning, Feliks was awoken by sunlight streaming in through the window. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as he recalled the previous night’s events and why he’d ended up sleeping in a stranger’s bed. Now that his mind was no longer fogged with exhaustion, Feliks felt a lot better, and he was extremely grateful. He stood up and stretched, before leaning over to pick up a few stuffed animals that had fallen onto the floor and returning them to the bed. He put on his shoes, tying the laces into neat bows, and walked out into the living room. Feliciano was sitting on the couch with his sketchbook in his lap and loose colored pencils surrounding him. There was a man next to him, muscular and blonde, and he was writing notes in the margins of a textbook.

 

“Hi Feliks! How did you sleep? I haven’t gotten breakfast yet because I was going to ask if you want to come with me, since you said your purse was stolen and I assume you don’t have your student ID with you. I’ll card you in, it’s no trouble,” Feliciano looked up and set down the colored pencil he was holding. It promptly rolled down in between the couch cushions he was sitting on.

 

Feliks walked over and looked over at the sketchbook. Feliciano had drawn the castle he’d described the night before, and it was stunning. It wasn’t just that it was drawn well, but that he’d paid attention to the finest of details, such as the texture of the trees in the foreground and the way snow piled on the towers and weighed down the flags hanging from turrets. He made a little heart with his hands and pointed at the drawing, which made Feliciano’s cheeks turn pink and a smile spread across his face.

 

“Thank you! Oh, you showed me how to say that in sign language last night. It’s like blowing a kiss, but without the kiss!” Feliciano stood up, setting his sketchbook to the side and letting pencils clatter to the floor. He pressed his fingers to his lower lip and brought down his hand like he’d been shown the night before, and Feliks nodded in approval, giving him a small smile. “Now do you want breakfast? I want breakfast, the food here isn’t that good but I was scared I’d have to eat only ramen for my entire time at university and I’ve only had it once and that was when my roommate made it for us and it was really, really good!”

 

Feliks nodded. He was quite hungry, since he’d skipped dinner the previous night in favor of the party and well, frat parties weren’t really known for their food. 

 

Feliciano grabbed his lanyard off a hook on the wall and clipped it around his neck. The pocket was stuffed with cards, to the point where he’d had to duct tape the sides together so it didn’t burst. Feliks followed him out the door, walking out of the dorm building with him and to the dining hall for breakfast.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this may be my best fanfic yet! I'm really glad so many of you like it and have left kudos. It feels nice to write something a little lighter that still helps me get things off my chest. I stuttered a lot when I was younger, to the point where I was partially mute and communicated a lot in ASL. Thankfully, a few years of intensive speech therapy helped a lot. I don't think much now about the fact that I stuttered in the past, but now that I'm living in another country and speaking another language, I've had some issues with my stutter coming back, especially at school or when talking to people in public places. I feel like maybe if I put my own experiences into something creative, someone else who's had similar experiences may enjoy getting to read about characters who are like them. I want my writing to be the type of stuff I needed to read when I was younger and got down on myself for being different.

As they got food, Feliciano talked and Feliks listened, occasionally nodding or shaking his head when he was asked a question. He wished he could respond with more than a yes or a no, but his options for communication were very limited right then. Fortunately, Feliciano didn’t seem to mind a completely one-sided conversation.

 

“So anyway, I went back to the art supply store a few weeks later and I see those pens I bought on the sale rack, for half the original price! Well, I asked the customer service person if they could give me back the extra money I paid and I showed them a receipt and they were so nice about it! They even gave me coupons and I love coupons because I buy lots of art supplies. I think the art supply store might be my favorite store- other than the grocery store, I love buying food because then I get to think about what I’ll make with it!” 

 

Feliciano eventually found a table by a window and set his tray down on one side. Feliks set his down across from him and sat down, taking a moment just to appreciate the fact that this man was taking the time to take him to breakfast and eat with him, even when there was really no reason to.

 

“You should go ahead and eat,” Feliciano said around a mouthful of cereal. Feliks nodded and picked up one of the slices of watermelon he’d grabbed, taking a small bite so the juice wouldn’t get all over his face. “I wish I knew sign language, I don’t know anything about you and that’s a shame because I want to know about you. And I want to know more about you so I can have more words and I can tell what color you are, because I think you’re yellow but that might also change. When I first met Ludwig I thought he was the same color purple as a sunset but then we became friends and it turns out he’s red, with some purple sparkles when he’s talking about engineering because it makes him really happy. It all depends on the words you use, though.”

 

Feliciano quickly finished the rest of his cereal when he was done talking, so he could talk more. He was the kind of person who could talk for hours on end if no one stopped him.

 

Feliks was in the middle of a sip of coffee when someone across the room caught his eye. He set down his drink and got up, leaving his tray so Feliciano knew he would be coming back. He walked to the back of the dining hall until he was standing in front of a table where two men were seated, both sharing one tray of food.

 

**What the fuck, Toris?**

 

He looked between the two of them, the unhappiness in his eyes turning into a glare.

 

**I can’t believe you. You’re so damn busy with Alfred you don’t even check on your roommate. My purse got stolen at that party and I was locked out of the room all night!**

 

Feliciano turned around to see what Feliks was doing and found himself transfixed. He had no idea what he was saying because it was all in sign language, but it was beautiful to watch. Just from the way he moved, Feliciano could tell that Feliks was angry. His gestures were rough and even from a distance he could see that he was biting his lip.

 

Feliks spelled something with his fingers and it was like lighting, even faster than Feliciano spoke. He looked down at his own hands, fingers stained from clay and paint and ink, and realized he had no idea what Feliks’s hands looked like up close. He wanted to see them now, because he’d never seen hands that spoke before and he wanted to know everything about them. 

 

**Feliks, I’m sorry. You’re alright now though, aren’t you? You’re eating breakfast with someone.**

 

Feliks sighed and rolled his eyes. Toris had completely missed the point. What mattered was that his purse and all of its contents was gone. He wasn’t all that mad anymore that Toris had been with Alfred, since it was honestly a good thing that he was getting out rather than spending all his time worrying over schoolwork or how his family was doing. He was mad that he hadn’t even offered yet to help him look for his things.

 

**Don’t you get it? My keys are gone. My student ID is gone. My phone is gone.**

 

Toris nodded to say he did get it. He tapped his fingertips against the heel of his hand for a moment as he thought of how to respond, and looked over to Alfred for a moment. Helping Feliks would be the right thing to do, but Alfred went to a different college and was driving back that night. He didn’t know how long it would be until he saw him next.

 

**I can help you look later.** Toris rested his fist against his palm with his thumb up, gesturing outwards toward Feliks. His movements were more precise and calm, a little lazy to show that he was tired.  **Alfred leaves at two. I’ll meet you in front of our room at two-thirty. Now, do you need anything else, or can I go back to what I was doing?**

 

Feliks paused for a second, before nodding to say he did need something else.  **Do you have something to write with?**

 

Toris held up a finger to tell him to wait and looked through his backpack for a few seconds, before pulling a pencil out from the front pocket. He handed it to Feliks, who turned and walked away, back to the table with Feliciano.

 

“Sign language looks really cool. It’s like dancing but only with your hands, but also a little with your face because you have all these different expressions,” Feliciano snuck a peek at Feliks’s hands as he grabbed a napkin off the table and started to write something on it. His grandfather had always told him he had artist’s hands, and he’d always thought for someone to have the hands of an artist they had to be messy and calloused with short, chipped nails, but now he wondered if that wasn’t the only thing they had to be. Feliks’s hands were small and elegant and his nails were painted sparkly pink, and they were still an artist’s hands because they made art in the form of sign language.

 

A napkin was pushed towards him and Feliciano thought he had gotten food on his face, so he lifted it to wipe whatever it was away, and suddenly felt one of Feliks’s hands over his, plucking the napkin out from his grasp and smoothing it out so he could see that he’d written something on there.

 

_ Maybe I could teach you some sign language _

 

“You’d really do that? I’d love to learn sign language!” Feliciano smiled and reached out to quickly squeeze both of Feliks’s hands. He was a little startled at first, before deciding there was nothing to worry about and letting out a small laugh. 

 

Feliciano gasped and his smile got even bigger. “I love your laugh! It’s pretty and it sounds like music and I guess I didn’t realize you could laugh because you don’t talk. Oops, I didn’t mean to be rude about that, I’ve just never met someone who doesn’t talk before and- oh no, was that rude, too?” his face fell and Feliks quickly shook his head and grabbed back the napkin to write on.

 

_ No, it wasn’t rude. You’re just curious. It’s only rude if you intend it to be. _

 

“Oh, okay! Well, I don’t want to be rude because I don’t like being rude, and I especially don’t want to be rude to you because I like you and you said you could teach me some sign language,” Feliciano’s smile returned and he went back to eating his food, pausing again when Feliks set another napkin in front of him so he could read what he’d written. He picked it up, looking confused when he saw there was no writing on it. Feliciano looked up when he heard laughing, and watched Feliks lean forward and point to the side of his mouth. “Oh! There’s food on my face!” he started laughing as well.

 

They sat together until the dining hall started filling up with people eating an early lunch. Feliks knew he should probably return to the dorms soon, since he wanted to see about getting a new key for his room and would then have to wait for Toris. He didn’t want to leave Feliciano yet, though, because he felt so comfortable around him and could honestly say he was having fun. He was fun to listen to, and Feliciano had shown him some of the other art in his sketchbook. He particularly liked a few drawings he’d done of horses.

 

Eventually, when the time came to say goodbye, Feliks wrote his phone number and a little note on a napkin. He set it in front if Feliciano and waved goodbye, before turning and walking away. Feliciano watched him go, only picking up the note after the doors of the dining hall had closed behind him.

 

_ Here’s my phone number. If you text me here and I don’t respond, it’s probably because I still haven’t found my stuff. I know where your room is, though, and I’ll try to come find you sometime. I liked talking to you a lot and I really want to teach you some sign language. Thank you so much for letting me spend the night in your room. See you later! -Feliks _


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work officially has a beta! Thank you so much to Nordicsawesome for correcting all my mistakes with verb tenses! Thanks again to everyone who's been reading. I've got an official number of chapters and have planned things out better, so hopefully this fic turns out better than my others have. Thank you all so much for reading.

“Oh! Feliks! You  _ are  _ Feliks, right? I mean you look like him but something’s different about you,” Feliciano said, reaching out to put his hand on the shoulder of the person he’d seen walking down the stairs.

 

Feliks looked up to see a familiar face, and suddenly felt his stomach twist nervously. He crossed his arms over his chest and bit his lip and waited. He waited to be asked about the pink dress he was wearing; waited for some sort of insensitive question that he knew was probably just meant to be innocently curious. He waited for Feliciano, watched him look him over for a moment, and felt his stomach churn as he opened his mouth to speak. Things like this could absolutely ruin his opinion of someone, because even someone who seemed like the nicest person on Earth could turn into an asshole the minute they started asking invasive questions.

 

“You got a haircut, didn’t you? I like it, even though it’s kinda the same thing you had last time I saw you, your hair’s neater and a little shorter now and it looks really shiny.” Feliciano reached up this time and ran his fingers through Feliks’ hair. 

 

Feliks frowned and stared down at the ground. He wondered if Feliciano was deliberately trying to avoid the topic completely, if it made him feel awkward or uncomfortable. His cheeks heated up, turning a dark pink, and he suddenly wanted to leave. He couldn’t, though, because Feliciano had started fretting over him, having noticed that something was bothering him.

 

“What’s wrong? Did something happen? Do you not like your new haircut?” 

 

Feliks shook his head. He didn’t know how to explain it so he forced himself to meet Feliciano’s eyes in an attempt to make it seem like he was alright. Maybe the best thing to do was just drop this.

 

“Oh, you don’t want to tell me?” Feliciano’s face fell and he stepped back.

 

Feliks realized the dilemma he’d gotten himself into and glanced around, as though Toris was going to magically appear to translate sign language for him. He didn’t, though, so he motioned for Feliciano to follow him and started back up the stairs to go to his room. Thankfully he came with him, a pensive look on his face.

 

Feliks searched through the cards in his wallet before finding his key to the room. He opened the door and immediately started searching for paper and a pencil.

 

Feliciano took a moment to look around. This was one of the two-person dorms, and it’s much smaller than his room. There are two beds and two desks, one on either side. It’s obvious which is Feliks’, since it’s overwhelmingly pink, with a rose-colored bedspread and tiny polaroid pictures hung up with piggy pink string lights over the walls. He took a moment to look at the photos, and saw that most of them were of Feliks and the man he was talking to when they went to breakfast. There’s a few others, though, of horses, and he wondered if Feliks took those. He has a few pairs of shoes set by the door, as well as a blue backpack with a pair of beat up ballet shoes on top of it.

 

A notepad was pressed into Feliciano’s hands and he read over what Feliks wrote on it.

 

_ Why the hell aren’t you asking about the dress? _

 

Feliciano frowned and looked up from the notepad. “Do you want me to ask about the dress?” He looked confused, and suddenly Feliks realized that he was getting upset over nothing. Feliciano really hadn’t noticed, and if he had, then it didn’t seem odd or out of place to him. 

 

_ No, never mind, please just forget about it. _

 

“Okay. I can leave if you’re busy, I don’t want to take up your time,” Feliciano smiled and Feliks let out a sigh of relief. “And by the way, I think you look really pretty. You look happier now, too. Did you find your purse?”

 

Feliks tilted his hand from side to side to answer the question, then took the notepad back to keep writing. Feliciano watched over his shoulder as he did so, following the words as they were put down on the paper.  _ I’m not busy. I was going to go get coffee, but I think being with you would be way more fun.  _ He added a doodle of a smiley face at the end as well. Feliciano’s words were still ringing in his ears, telling him that he looks pretty. He could just tell from that that he really is a good person, that he isn’t like everyone else who asks unnecessary questions and makes him uncomfortable without even knowing they’re doing it. He’s glad he met him because the only other person like that is Toris. Genuine people like them are few and far between.

 

Feliks sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to him. Feliciano sat down as well, running a hand over the duvet. Feliks continued to write for a moment, before handing the notepad back.

 

_ Someone returned my purse to me because they saw my student ID in it, but whoever stole it went through my things and my phone and all of my cash and cards were gone. I cancelled my cards and got new ones, but I still lost some money. Plus I had to spend a lot on a new phone. I guess it’s good that you found me since I really don’t have the money for Starbucks. _

 

Feliciano frowned as he looked over what Feliks wrote. “Oh you poor thing,” he murmured, before leaning over and hugging him. Feliks was a little startled at first before he gladly hugged him back. He smiled as he pulled back, taking the notepad once more and quickly doing the sign for thank you to thank him for his kindness and the hug.

 

“Oh, you said you were gonna teach me some sign language! Do you think you have time now? I want to learn some.”

 

Feliks nodded, letting out a small laugh at Feliciano’s eagerness.  _ I’ll teach you easy stuff first.  _ he wrote.  _ We’ll start with the alphabet, there’s like a lot of signs that are based off of letters. _

 

He wrote down the entire alphabet on the page, then pointed at each letter and did its corresponding sign. Feliciano would copy him, sitting patiently as Feliks corrected him by taking his hand and pushing his fingers where they were supposed to go. He had a bit of difficulty remembering signs that had others similar to them, like m and n, but he was a remarkably fast learner.

 

Eventually, when Feliks was satisfied with Feliciano’s ability to go through the entire alphabet without making any mistakes or mixing up any letters, he taught him how to sign his name. He also explained how name signs worked, writing down a quick explanation on his notepad.

 

_ Sometimes people who are deaf give you name signs. They’re like a movement that you do instead of spelling out your whole name. Toris’s little brother gave me one, he’s deaf and he’s the reason Toris knows sign language. My name sign is an F doing the sign for dance since I do ballet.  _

 

He waited for Feliciano to finish reading before showing him the sign, smiling at the evident excitement in his eyes. “Oh, that’s so cool! Your name’s definitely yellow, like the sun! I hope I get good enough at sign language that I can talk to people other than you and get a sign name.”

 

Feliks smiled and nodded. He hoped so too, and was just glad that Feliciano showed so much enthusiasm. Plenty of people acted weird around him when they found out he used sign language but wasn’t deaf, and it was refreshing to meet someone who just thought it was interesting that he communicated that way.

 

“I should probably go, since I have some homework to do, but maybe we can do this again sometime. You’re really nice and I like spending time with you,” Feliciano said. He stood up and Feliks followed, grabbing his new phone off of his desk and opening a new contact page. He handed his phone to Feliciano, who promptly put in his information. “I’ll text you, yeah?” he asked, leaning in for a quick goodbye hug. Feliks returned the hug, and waved as Feliciano left his room, a smile on his face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for taking so long on this! I was super busy all of October, so I didn't have much time to write. A million thanks to my beta, NordicsAwesome!

Now that he had Feliciano’s phone number, Feliks spent every moment of his free time texting him. It was refreshing to have a friend who could keep up with a conversation with him. Despite his inability to speak, Feliks had quite a lot to talk about. He and Feliciano shared a lot in common, from both majoring in the arts (ballet and visual art, respectively) to both loving animals. They talked about their roommates and exchanged Instagrams. They also talked about meeting up at the library and decided on a few tentative dates, but Feliks’s schedule was unpredictable and he had to say no to every one of them. Eventually, they found a Saturday afternoon where they were both free, and this time the plans were set in stone.

 

Feliks came to the library almost immediately after dance practice. His hair was tied back in a low ponytail, with barrettes keeping his bangs out of his face, and he had just thrown on a pair of sweatpants over his leotard. Feliciano spotted him almost immediately, since he stood out in his all-pink outfit, and ran over to greet him. 

 

“Hi! You look really nice today!” he said, causing people to turn around and glare at him. Feliks gave a little snort of laughter and held a finger to his lips to tell Feliciano to be quiet. “Oh, sorry, you look really nice today,” he repeated, this time in a whisper. Feliks hid a smile behind his hand, then gestured to a table where there were two open seats across from each other. Feliciano sat down in the seat closer to him. Feliks sat across from him, crossing his legs at the ankles. He set his backpack down on the floor next to him and searched around in it for a few seconds before pulling out a notepad and a pencil case. 

 

Feliciano was bouncing his leg, since he wasn’t very good at sitting still. He leaned forward, crossing his arms against the table, and looked over at Feliks’s pencil case. It was covered in fluffy pink fur, and he couldn’t help but reach out and touch it. Feliks watched him as he ran his fingers over the soft fabric, a tiny smile on his face. He thought it was sweet how much Feliciano liked his pencil case, especially because he’d been told by his fair share of people (his roommate included) that it was a little childish and well, girly. 

  
  


Feliciano turned over the pencil case, looking at the front. There were a few pins on it, one of a sparkly little unicorn, another of a pair of ballet shoes, and one with the Polish flag that said ‘made in Poland’. Feliciano pointed it out, and asked, “Did you go to Poland?”

 

Feliks held up a finger and flipped to a blank page in his notebook so he could write.

 

_ I’m from there. I come back every summer to visit family. _

 

“Really? Oh, that’s so cool! I’ve always wanted to go to Poland. I’m from Italy and I used to travel a lot when I was in high school, but mostly in Western Europe.” He suddenly realized how loudly he’d spoken, which he was reminded of again when people turned around from their chairs and shushed him.

 

Despite this, Feliks’s face lit up excitedly and he grabbed back the notebook so he could write more. He always got excited when he met another foreigner, since they seemed to be few and far between here. Other than his roommate, who was Lithuanian but had lived in the United States most of his life, Feliks hadn’t met any other Europeans. 

 

_ Where in Italy are you from? How long did you live there? _

 

Feliciano leaned forward to read what he’d written, tapping his fingers against his knee as he did so. He tried to keep his voice quieter when he spoke this time, though, since he didn’t want to disturb the people in the library. Still, he was excited, and couldn’t exactly manage a whisper. “My family’s originally from Sicily, but my parents moved to Venice before I was born, and I lived there until two years ago, since I decided I wanted to go to university in the United States. I mean, we have some good universities in Italy for art, but I got a really good scholarship to come here for the visual art program, and there was no way I was going to pass on that. Plus, I’ve always wanted to study abroad. I did a few week-long programs in middle and high school, but I was always a tourist. I like getting to live in another country and experience the life like a local.”

 

Feliks nodded, since he understood somewhat how it felt to want to be more than just a tourist. He leaned forward to pick up his notebook, and some of his hair fell forward into his face. He set the notebook in his lap and took out one of his barrettes, holding it between his lips as he tucked the piece of hair back behind his ear. He clipped the barrette back in, then picked up his pencil.

 

_ That’s really interesting. Do you think you’re gonna stay here even after you finish university? _

 

Feliciano shrugged. “I dunno. I miss Italy a lot, and I know I want to end up living there again someday, but I also don’t think I’m ready to leave here yet. I’ve made a lot of friends here and I’m looking at jobs in the area for after I graduate. What about you, why’d you come here?”

 

It took a few minutes for Feliks to write everything out, but he eventually set the notebook back down in front of Feliciano.  _ I’m from Zamość, but I only lived there until I was six. We moved around a lot because my father worked for the government, and we ended up moving to the United States right before I started high school. I always had the option to go back to Poland, since I have aunts and uncles there who would be willing to take me in, but I decided to stay here. I’m glad I did, I really like school and I’ve met a lot of great people. I come back to Poland a lot to visit, but I don’t plan on moving back. _

 

“Oh. Did you like moving a lot? It must have been cool getting to live in so many different places.”

 

Feliks shrugged. He took a moment to think back to his childhood, and he found that he wished he’d had the same outlook on things as Feliciano did.  He recalled being quite upset the first time he found out they were moving, and then every other time after that. He also recalled going out of his way to avoid making friends in the new cities and closing himself off to others. It had been hard constantly switching schools, especially because of the problems he had with speaking. He wasn’t going to explicitly tell Feliciano those things, though.  _ I didn’t really like moving, but I really did get to see a lot, and each city I lived in was unique, so that was cool. _

 

Feliciano smiled, and Feliks couldn’t help but smile too. His smile was absolutely contagious, and Feliks thought it was cute how his entire face lit up and his eyes sparkled. There was something about being around Feliciano that he just absolutely loved. He was always so cheerful, and he made him realize that his worries weren’t actually so worrisome. 

 

_ Do you have any family here in the States?  _ Feliks wrote. He was about to turn the paper, but Feliciano leaned forward and read it upside down.

 

“No, but my brothers and my grandfather come to visit sometimes. They complain a lot though about how it’s nothing like Italy. I kind of agree with him, all the tall buildings and new things make me feel a little intimidated. I call my family every weekend, though, so we keep in touch really well. What about you? You said you have family in Poland, right?” He scanned over the page of Feliks’s writing, pointing at where he’d written about aunts and uncles who lived in the country.

 

Feliks nodded.  _ I’ve got most of my family in Poland, some in Russia and the Czech Republic. We’re kind of from all over. I don’t keep in touch with them very well, though.  _ He tapped the pencil against the side of the page, frowning a little as he thought of his parents and his sister. He really should call them, the last time he’d done so was over a month ago. He didn’t have the closest relationship with them, and it didn’t bother him, but seeing Feliciano so happily talking about his brothers and grandfather suddenly made him really want to call his mother.  _ I’m gonna call them tonight, though. Or at least I’ll call my sister, my parents are probably both working late. _

 

“When you call them, do you speak to them? Oh… was that rude? If it was, you don’t have to answer me!” Feliciano slapped a hand over his mouth when people in the library turned around to shush him once more. He shrank back into the chair a little and his cheeks turned red. 

 

Feliks quickly grabbed his notebook and started writing.  _ That wasn’t rude! You’re just curious. That’s okay! That’s good! _ He held the notebook up and pointed at what he’d written, waiting until he saw Feliciano relax.  _ We video-call and I use sign language.  _

 

“Your entire family knows sign language?”

 

Feliks nodded, smiling once more when he saw the look of amazement on Feliciano’s face. “That’s so sweet of them to learn it for you. And then if you want to tell them something without anyone else knowing what you’re saying, you can just do it in sign language. That’s cool!”

 

He’d never thought of it that way, but Feliciano was right, and he thought it was sweet that that was the first thing that came to his mind. In the past, he’d dealt with lots of people who thought he was making things worse by only using sign language with his family. He’d had teachers tell him he needed to speak properly to them, he’d had friends tell him how weird it was that he wouldn’t at least use his voice around the people he was related to. It was nice to have someone who not only didn’t make those sorts of comments, but found things he thought were cool. 

 

Feliks stood up and leaned forward to hug Feliciano. He hugged back immediately. When Feliks pulled away, he flipped over the page of the notebook and wrote as large as he could,  _ never change. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year! I'm sorry it took so long for me to update, lots of stuff happened between November and now and I've been super busy!

Feliks didn’t really know how to feel about Alfred coming over. On one hand, he was really happy for Toris, since he turned into an entire other person when his boyfriend was around, someone who smiled and laughed at every little thing, and Feliks didn’t have to worry that he was going to make himself so nervous it would eventually kill him. On the other hand, whenever Alfred was over, he found himself constantly getting kicked out of the room, or coming back to a necktie hanging off the doorknob that told him he absolutely should not come in.

 

He planned ahead for these times, usually staying with Erzsebet, who was one of his friends from dance, but this time around she had to cancel at the last minute. He’d been waiting for his other friends to respond to his messages, asking if he could spend the night, when he saw something pop up from Feliciano.

 

_ Ciao! My roommate brought a ton of movies from the library, wanna come watch them with us? _

 

Feliks excitedly texted back that he would love to, and explained his situation with Toris and Alfred. When Feliciano told him that he would be glad for him to stay the night, he packed up a small backpack with pajamas, his toothbrush, and a pencil and paper so they could have conversations, and took the stairs down to the second floor, walking through the left corridor until he found Feliciano’s room.

 

Almost as soon as he knocked on the door, he was met by an extremely excited Feliciano, who was already in his pajamas. He grabbed his hands and pulled him into the apartment, practically bouncing on his feet. “I know you’ve been here before, but I wanted to show you around again, since that was the middle of the night and the lights were all off and maybe you don’t really remember much,” he said. Feliks nodded, agreeing to the little tour, and they set off.

 

Feliciano showed him the living room and kitchen first, since they were immediately inside and connected. Both of his roommates were in the living room, one of them fiddling with the TV while the other diligently took notes. Some of Feliciano’s stuffed animal collection had migrated to the couch, along with a few soft-looking blankets and pillows. The kitchen was connected to the back of the living room, and was quite small, with just a refrigerator, sink, stove, and microwave. “I’m gonna make pasta for dinner, it’s one of my favorite things to make,” Feliciano informed him. He took a box of spaghetti from a cabinet and set it on the counter, as though to remind himself to make it. “There’s also popcorn and candy and I think some ice cream too… oops, no, I think I finished that when I was studying for my history test,” he laughed sheepishly, before turning to leave the kitchen.

 

There were framed pictures stuck all over the walls in the hallway, and Feliciano’s bedroom had a large ‘hang in there’ cat poster on the door. The inside was exactly how he remembered it, with stuffed animals and blankets and the general atmosphere of cosiness. The window was open and sunlight shone in little golden stripes on his desk and bed and walls. Some drawings were tacked up above his bed, and Feliks recognized the castle from the day they’d met. He pointed at a drawing of a cat and turned to Feliciano and fingerspelled C-U-T-E, slowly enough that he would be able to see each individual letter, since he was still only just learning the sign language basics. He did the actual sign for it as well, and Feliciano grinned.

 

“Thank you! That’s my friend’s cat, her name’s Athena and she’s really sweet and she slept on my lap the whole time I drew this and was such a well-behaved model! I just really like cats, they’re so sweet and they’re lazy like me and like to cuddle.” His mind wandered for a moment as he thought about the cat he’d drawn and the fact that sometime he would have to go and visit his friend, Herakles, because he absolutely loved all of his cats. “Oh! And I can’t have a cat now because of dorm rules but as soon as I have my own apartment I’m gonna get two cats so they can be friends, and maybe a dog too, in case the cats get lonely and want someone else to play with. But I’ll be home a lot too, so they’ll always have me.”

 

Feliks smiled and nodded along as Feliciano spoke. He held up a finger and grabbed a notebook and pencil from his backpack, then wrote down,  _ I want cats someday too. _ He offered the notebook to Feliciano, and his smile got even larger as he read.

 

“Someday we should get cats together! Then they’ll have two people to take care of them and they’ll never get lonely.” He reached out and grabbed Feliks’s hand, starting to pull him along to the next part of the tour. Feliks felt a blush creep up his cheeks as he looked down at their intertwined hands, before he looked back up and let himself be led into the doorway of the next bedroom. “This is Ludwig’s room. He’s really particular about his things, so we have to be very careful not to touch or move anything. It’s like a museum, except a boring one,” Feliciano explained. Feliks looked around at the neat, orderly shelves full of textbooks and nicely framed photos, and his perfectly made bed, with hospital corners and a blue duvet tucked neatly over the pillow. He found that he preferred the crazy messiness of Feliciano’s room to this. The disorder had made it feel lived in and cozy, while though Ludwig’s room was aesthetically pleasing, it looked unlivable, like something out of a catalog.

 

Kiku’s bedroom was next, marked by a pair of shoes sitting outside the door. In contrast to the two rooms Feliks had seen before, his was honestly quite normal. Overall, it was neat, but there were books and papers sitting out and his bed hadn’t been made perfectly. Feliks carefully pulled his hand away from Feliciano’s and picked his pencil up.  _ I think I like your room most _ , he wrote. This made Feliciano’s smile even bigger. He turned and closed the door to Kiku’s room, and Feliks followed him back into the living room.

 

“I’m gonna make pasta. You can get comfy on the couch and pick the first movie we watch tonight. If you want to change into your pajamas, you can use my bedroom,” Feliciano said. Feliks nodded, and unzipped his backpack again. He took out a pair of pajama pants printed with hearts and a dark green sweatshirt he’d borrowed from his roommate, then set his backpack down next to the couch. He went to Feliciano’s room and changed quickly, then came back into the living room. He could hear his friend in the kitchen, humming as he stirred something around. Feliks knelt down on the floor where there was a wicker basket full of movies and started searching through them. There was quite a wide variety, and he eventually found one that sounded good and set it in front of the TV so Feliciano would know to put it on. 

 

Feliks sat down on the couch, shifting a little until he was comfortable with a pillow against his side and a blanket covering his legs. Both of Feliciano’s roommates were on the floor, and the one that was studying didn’t seem to have moved since he’d first come in. It wasn’t long before Feliciano returned. He picked up the movie  Feliks had set down and glanced at the title. “Legally Blonde? I’ve never seen that. Well, it must be good if you picked it!” He opened the cover and popped out the disk, putting it into the DVD player. He went to sit next to Feliks on the couch and picked the TV remote out from between the cushions so he could turn it on. “I set a timer for the pasta, so we can watch the first eight minutes of the movie, and then I’ll pause it while I get our snacks,” he explained.

 

They started the movie, but paused it just after the opening credits when a timer in the kitchen rang. Feliciano left for a few minutes, then came back with four piping hot plates of spaghetti bolognese balanced in his arms. He gave Ludwig and Kiku theirs’ first, then Feliks, then passed out forks before sitting back down on the couch. He started the film back up almost as soon as he’d sat down, and he seemed too focused on it to notice if Feliks were to sign something, so instead he gave him a quick side-hug, to thank him for the pasta. 

 

From the first bite, Feliks decided he loved Feliciano’s cooking. The pasta was really good, the sort of thing one could find at a nice restaurant. When he’d finished, he set his plate on the floor and gave Feliciano another hug, this one lasting a little longer. He’d always been the type to be affectionate with his friends, and he felt quite comfortable around Feliciano. Even better, he would always return his hugs.

 

Throughout the film, Feliciano would lean over and whisper commentary to Feliks, things like letting him know which outfits he liked or when he thought a character had made a bad decision. Normally, Feliks didn’t like when people talked through movies, but he liked Feliciano’s commentary, and more than once they found themselves being shushed by Ludwig because they were laughing so much.

 

After Feliks’s movie was finished, it was Kiku’s turn to pick. He told them to wait and disappeared into his room, before coming back with his computer. He hooked it up to the TV, and after a few minutes, he’d pulled up a cute-looking animated movie, in Japanese with English subtitles at the bottom. The sun set not long after they’d begun, leaving the room bathed in the soft light of the TV. Feliks shifted so he was leaning against Feliciano, his head against his shoulder. Feliciano instinctively wrapped an arm around him and smiled at the warmth of the person next to him.

 

He turned after a few moments to say something to Feliks, but just as he opened his mouth, Feliciano noticed that his eyes were closed and he’d fallen asleep. Carefully, so as not to disturb him, Feliciano shifted so Feliks’s head was in his lap, and went back to watching the movie. He found his attention continually drawn back to Feliks, though. He was cute when he was asleep, with his long hair spread out around him and his lips parted just slightly. In fact, when Feliciano thought about it, he thought he was cute when he was awake, too.

 

Feliciano carefully reached down and brushed some hair away from Feliks’s face. He shifted a little and he pulled back nervously, thinking he’d woken him up. Feliks went back to being still, though, his breathing still gentle as he slept, so Feliciano continued stroking his hair. He’d spent a good bit of time with Feliks, and they texted nearly every day, but he’d never really had any reason to think about how he felt about him. Now, though, they were together but he wasn’t busy keeping a conversation going or doing something, so he could really focus on Feliks. 

 

He didn’t even have to think about the fact that he liked Feliks as a friend. He’d liked him that way from the moment they met. He liked his personality, he liked that he would be patient with him and would let him ask questions, but also was honest with him and told him if he was bothering him. He liked that even though he came off as nervous and shy, he’d been able to get to know the friendly, silly side of him, and he never felt like Feliks was just putting up with him, like he sometimes felt with Kiku and Ludwig. He could tell that the time they spent together was genuinely wanted, and he was extremely grateful for that.

 

Feliciano found himself blushing a little as he watched Feliks sleep. He felt like he was part of something incredibly intimate, because people really didn’t just go  and fall asleep next to people unless they really trusted them. 

 

He thought about the things that he felt that went beyond what he’d ever felt for someone who was just his friend. Feliciano was used to being around attractive people, especially because he was taking a life drawing course and they seemed to have a new, beautiful model every week, but that had caused him to begin seeing them as commonplace and letting them blend in with everyone else. Feliks didn’t blend in for him, though. He stood out with his delicate features and dancer’s body and sharp emerald eyes that seemed to see everything. In a world of five minute sketches and doodles in margins, he was a work of art. 

 

It wasn’t just looks, either, that grabbed his attention. It was who he was inside. Being around Feliks made Feliciano happy, because he was the exact kind of person he liked to spend time with. They had things in common, always had something to talk about, and Feliciano never got bored when he was with him. He knew without a doubt that he wanted to spend more time with him. He would be fine with spending time with him as friends, because that sort of relationship already felt so fulfilling, but he also knew he wanted to at least try for more. He wanted the kind of relationship where he got to have more intimate moments like this, watching him sleep and seeing into his personal life where he was stripped of all outside influence and just purely himself. He wanted to have deep conversations about friends and family and life. He wanted to hug Feliks not just to say thank you or tell him he was happy to be with him. He wanted to hug him to say he cherished every moment they spent together, and that he was one of the most special people he’d ever met and he liked him as so much more than a friend.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it took me so long to update. I promise I haven't abandoned this story, I love it too much! Just one more chapter to go... I'm excited!!!

The next time they met for a sign language lesson, Feliks taught Feliciano how to introduce himself and other sorts of basic phrases that he’d need to use in everyday life. He was a quick learner, though sometimes he would have trouble responding to Feliks if he signed too fast. That was perfectly alright since after all, he was only on his second real lesson. Towards the end, when Feliks was putting his hair up for the choreography class he had afterwards, Feliciano asked him if he could show him how to ask someone on a date in sign language. Feliks nodded and held the end of his bobby pin between his teeth so his hands were free. He made the letter d with each hand and touched the letters together twice, to show that that was how to sign date, then signed the full sentence. He went back to fixing his hair afterwards, almost immediately forgetting what Feliciano had even asked him.

 

They walked out of the library together, and before they could part ways to go to their respective classes, Feliciano said, “wait, I have something to ask you.” He pointed at Feliks, then slowly, carefully, signed want, then go, then date, and lastly pointed at himself, a proud smile on his face. For a moment, Feliks had no idea how to respond and felt as though all of his thoughts were a huge, jumbled mess and an empty wall of static at the same time, before he gathered them together enough to run to Feliciano and hug him as tightly as he could. Feliciano hugged him too and spun around with him, until they were both laughing and he could tell that Feliks had a huge smile on his face, even without looking at him. After a few moments, he pulled back, and fumbled in the pocket of his jacket for something. He pulled out two crumpled tickets and handed one to Feliks. “I saw that the theatre club is performing Beauty and the Beast and I thought you might want to come with me. It’s this friday, at eight.”

 

Feliks nodded and gave Feliciano another hug. When they parted, after Feliks realized he was going to be late for class if he didn’t get going, they both walked away with springs in their steps and tickets to the play in their hands.

 

On Friday evening, at exactly seven-thirty, Feliks came and knocked on Feliciano’s door. He heard him run from somewhere inside to open it, and there Feliciano was, bouncing on his toes in the doorway, wearing a brown leather jacket and with his hair neatly combed and gelled back (except for a little curl on the side that didn’t seem to want to stay put). Feliks couldn’t help but blush when he saw him, because he looked so nice and he’d gone all out for just a little date, and knowing that someone put in so much effort for him made him indescribably happy. He reached out and brushed back that little bit of curly auburn hair and slid his hand down to rest against Feliciano’s cheek for just a moment. When he pulled it away, it was to fingerspell the word  **handsome** . 

 

It took a few moments for Feliciano to match the movements to the letters, but when he figured out what he’d been told, he grinned widely and hugged Feliks. He pulled back, leaving his hands on Feliks’s hips, and looked him over. He was wearing a pair of black high heels that made him a few inches taller than Feliciano, and he had on skinny jeans and a cropped pink sweatshirt. 

 

“You look really, really cute,” Feliciano said, and Feliks looked down at the floor, his cheeks turning pink. “I’ve just gotta put my shoes on and then we can go,” he continued, and pulled away. Feliks watched him grab a pair of dark brown boots and sit on the floor so he could pull them on and tie up the laces. He hopped up when he was done and quickly ran his hand through his hair so it would stay back, then took Feliks’s hand. “Shall we go?” he asked, swinging their hands back and forth excitedly. Feliks nodded and let Feliciano lead him down the hall and to the elevators. 

 

They held hands all the way to the student center, Feliciano talking about a cat he’d seen at a gardening store as they walked. When they sat down in their seats, right in the middle of the front row so they had a good view of the stage, Feliks let Feliciano rest his hand on his knee and he placed his own hand just on top of his. His heart was fluttering and he wondered if Feliciano felt just as excited and nervous and unbelievably happy as he did. 

 

The lights dimmed down until the only one left was the spotlight. The director came up to the stage to say a few words about the play, and when he walked off, the music started and the curtains came up. 

 

The show was quite entertaining, but Feliciano found that he was more interested in the person sitting next to him. He liked how Feliks looked when he was concentrated on something, and he looked completely focused on watching the play. His lips were parted just a bit and there was a sparkle in his eyes that wasn’t just coming from the reflection of the stage lights. He could see the faintest smattering of freckles on his cheeks and the gentle shimmer of his makeup. 

 

As the lights came on for intermission, Feliks turned and caught Feliciano staring at him, and it made him laugh. He squeezed his hand and took a little pad of paper out of his pocket so he could write,  _ what do you think of the play? _

 

“Oh! It’s so beautiful! I love the costumes, and all the songs are so nice and fun!”

 

Feliks couldn’t help but smile at Feliciano’s enthusiasm. He flipped over the page on his notepad and wrote,  _ I like it too. I think the choreography is a little drab, though. They needed like, some more movement.  _

 

“I didn’t really notice that, but now I want to pay more attention to the dancing. Are you going to be able to choreograph musicals like this when you finish your degree?” he asked.

 

Feliks shrugged.  _ I’d like to, _ he wrote,  _ but I also don’t know yet how to add in singing and acting at the same time. I think it would be cool to choreograph a ballet, though. They can tell whole stories without saying a word. _

 

Feliciano’s face lit up. “Oh wow! That sounds so cool! I’ve never seen a ballet, but now I want to.”

 

He immediately noticed Feliks’s smile get bigger and he excitedly flipped his notepad to a new page.  _ Can I take you to your first ballet, then? _ he wrote, and Feliciano nodded.

 

When the lights went off and the play started once more, Feliciano tried to focus more on the dancing, but he didn’t think he had the same eye for those kinds of things as Feliks did. He glanced over to see how his date was enjoying the show, and found that he much preferred watching that little smile on Feliks’s face.

 

Feliciano was sad when the play was over, mostly because that meant it was time for him to walk Feliks back to the dorm, and he was having such a good time with him that he didn’t want it to end. They lingered around a little to take pictures with the actors in their costumes and Feliciano made sure to compliment every single cast member he saw. Eventually, though, Feliks noticed that it was getting quite late and he took Feliciano’s hand and gently steered him towards the exit, so they could get back to their rooms before midnight. All the way back to the dorm, Feliciano excitedly recounted all the parts of the play he’d enjoyed and went on and on about how good the actors were. Feliks thought it was adorable.

 

When they reached Feliks’s room, he turned to Feliciano and took both of his hands, looking up into his eyes for a moment before nervously glancing back down at the floor. He wanted to let Feliciano know how much he’d enjoyed the evening and how much he wanted to go on another date with him. He knew he had the notepad in his pocket, and he could always fingerspell or use simple sign language, but he didn’t feel like that would be enough to show just how special the night had been for him. He shuffled his feet and he could feel Feliciano waiting, gently squeezing his hands.

 

He leaned forward, squeezing his eyes shut, and for just a second pressed his lips to Feliciano’s. He pulled back, staring once again at the floor, and whispered just loud enough that Feliciano could hear, “I had a n-nice t-” he felt the rest of the word disappear, even though he’d practiced what he was going to say in his head and told it to himself over and over again so he would be confident it would come out right. He tried to say it again, just that one last word, but he couldn’t find his voice and his jaws felt glued shut. He felt like he was in high school again, trying and trying to say his last name because the American teacher couldn’t pronounce it, but unable to even make a sound. His face heated up and he felt hot tears spilling onto his cheeks. He felt like running again, maybe running away forever, he was so embarrassed. He shook his head as if to apologize and pulled his hands away from Feliciano’s.

 

“Feliks?”

 

He heard a soft, gentle voice and he sniffled, turning his head away. He felt someone gently embrace him, rubbing his back as he started to sob silently.

 

“Feliks? What’s wrong? I really had a good time with you, and I don’t want you to be sad.”

 

Feliks’s arms felt numb but something in him made him instinctively return the hug.

 

“I really liked going on a date with you and I hope you want to go on another date because I really want to see a ballet with you and I want to take you to my favorite art gallery and make more pasta for you.”

 

Feliks hiccuped and nodded. He wished he could tell Feliciano how much he wanted to go on another date with him, too. 

 

“And I thought when you talked it was really pretty. Your words are like sunshine. Not just when you talk, though. When you write, when you use sign language, even just when you do things that stand in for words like looking at me a certain way. They’re all a really beautiful, sunny, bright yellow that gets richer the farther you go and sparkles all around. You are the color of sunshine.”

 

And he pulled back and gave Feliks another kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

Feliks couldn’t sleep. He’d chewed on his lower lip so much it bled, and kept running his thumb over the place where his lips parted. Sometimes, it felt soft and sweet and a little clumsy like the kisses he’d shared with Feliciano, but sometimes it felt rough and wrong like when he’d tried to talk to him. 

 

Toris eventually noticed his tossing and turning and switched on a little lamp by his bed. “Hey, Feliks, what’s wrong?” he asked. Feliks scooted back and sat up, curling his legs against his chest and laying his chin on his blanket-covered knees. “Was it your date?”

 

Feliks nodded, then tapped his fingers against his palm, telling Toris that he was still thinking of how to put things. Eventually, he signed,  **it went well** .

 

“Then what’s bothering you?” Toris furrowed his brow in confusion.

 

**I think it went too well.**

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Feliks sighed and shrugged. He didn’t have any reservations about telling Toris about the date. After all, he was his best friend and he would tell him everything. The problem was that he still hadn’t even fully processed everything that had gone on. His mind was still replaying things over and over, and no matter how many times he thought back on every little thing he’d done with Feliciano on their date and those last few minutes when he’d spoken to him and they’d kissed, he still couldn’t even begin to untangle and understand the bundle of emotions that had brought. He knew he should be happy, but when he thought about being happy, so many other worries and reasons to not be happy came up and clouded his thoughts. He felt overwhelmed.

 

“I’ll make us some tea, and we can talk about it.” Toris decided. He pushed off his blankets and slid over to sit up and slip his feet into a pair of tartan slippers. He got up and turned on a half-full electric kettle sitting on his desk, then took out two different travel mugs and put a peppermint tea bag in each. Toris was generally a coffee person, but he kept tea and the occasional packet of hot cocoa around for times like this. 

 

When the water was just starting to get steamy, Toris turned the kettle off and filled each mug just a little more than halfway. He took one for himself and handed the other to Feliks, then sat down across from him. Feliks stared down into his tea, the steam hot on his chin. He blew into it a few times to cool it down and took a small sip, which burned his lips and made them tingle with the taste of mint. He looked up at Toris, who was still sitting patiently across from him. He took a few more tiny sips and set the mug down on the desk next to his bed, so his hands were free. He signed hesitantly, starting into sentences at first before stopping and making his hands into fists, then waving sharply in front of himself to push away what he’d previously said and start over. Eventually, he managed to explain what had happened at the end of their date, and even though he couldn’t put all of his feelings into words, he was very sure Toris understood how important and emotional it had all been for him. 

 

When Feliks was finished, Toris nodded, and sat for awhile without saying anything at all. Feliks didn’t expect anything more of him, because Toris was the type to listen, rather than the type to advise. This was perfect, because Feliks didn’t actually think he needed any advice. All he’d needed was to get things off his chest and process them. 

 

“Are you feeling better now?” Toris asked. Feliks nodded and gave a small, tired smile. “That’s good,” he murmured, and got up, dumping the wet tea bag out of his mug and into the trash. Feliks still hadn’t finished his tea, so Toris set it next to the sink. If he wanted to heat it back up in the morning, it would be there for him.

 

Feliks laid back down on his side, blankets tucked up to his chin. He watched Toris kick his slippers off and return to his bed, then pull his blankets on and switch out the light. This time, when Feliks closed his eyes, he felt peaceful, and he was asleep in no time.

 

First thing in the morning, Feliks checked his phone, and saw that he had a new text from Feliciano. He opened it, and saw that he wanted to meet him at a nearby cafe for lunch. Feliks accepted the invitation, and went off to take a shower and get ready. 

 

He arrived at the cafe ten minutes early, and found a pair of comfortable-looking armchairs in a secluded corner, with a little table between them. Feliks had spent the last few hours wondering what Feliciano would say about the previous night- or if he would even bring it up. He wondered how he would respond, how he would explain himself. This left him with a different kind of nervousness than he’d ever experienced before; it was much worse than the anxiety he’d felt before all his dance performances and tests at school, combined. 

 

Feliciano showed up a few minutes later, with a tote bag filled with books for class, and a pair of sunglasses perched on top of his head. He smiled as soon as he saw Feliks, and came running over, pulling him into a hug. Feliks hugged him back and for a moment, his worries melted away. When Feliciano stepped back, though, and took his hands and just looked at him for a few moments, he felt nervous all over again.

 

Feliciano didn’t bring anything up as they looked over the menu and picked their lunches: a hearty salad for Feliks and a bowl of pasta for Feliciano. When the waiter left, though, Feliciano looked up at him and said, “I wanted to talk about last night,” and Feliks’s stomach turned. He must have been very visibly distraught, because Feliciano quickly grabbed his hands and reassured him, “it’s nothing big, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I was really worried when you started crying.”

 

Feliks looked down at the table and bit his lip. He pulled his hands gently away from Feliciano’s and took a notebook and pencil out of his backpack, flipping to a blank page and setting the book on the table so Feliciano could see.

 

_ I’m alright now _ , he wrote.  _ I’m sorry I made you worry. I should have told you about why I don’t talk, It’s my fault for not doing that. I shouldn’t have made you worry.  _ Feliks’s hands were shaking a little and he pushed the notebook up so he could write further down on the page.  _ I always have a really bad stutter when I talk and I thought that time it would be different, so that’s why I tr- _

 

Feliciano grabbed his hand and gently tugged the pencil away from him. He set it on the table and turned the notebook over, so he couldn’t see what Feliks had written. “I don’t want to know. I mean- I don’t want to know that because it’s personal for you and it doesn’t change anything between us, but I don’t want you to feel like something bad will happen if you don’t tell me those kinds of personal things.”

 

Feliks looked up at him, frowning a little. He picked the pencil back up, and wrote,  _ but I still feel like you deserve to know what happened. It was rude for me to just like, freak out and cry and stuff. _

 

“No it wasn’t. It was just how you reacted, and that’s okay. And I thought it was cute when you kissed me, and now I know that you like me just as much as I like you.”

 

Feliks furrowed his brows, some part of him wondering if he had still done something wrong that maybe Feliciano wasn’t bringing up out of fear of offending him. 

 

“Feliks?” he asked, bringing him back. Feliciano scooted closer, so he was on the edge of his seat. “Last night after you went to your room and I went back to mine I knew I wanted to go on more dates with you and get to kiss you more. I want to be your boyfriend, and I don’t want you to have to feel nervous with me or think you have to explain everything you do. Is that… is that okay?”

 

Feliks blushed and covered his face with his hands. He smiled, and it made his eyes light up. He nodded, the nervousness in his stomach replaced with fuzzy warmth.

 

\----

 

Spring began to turn into summer, and what Feliciano and Feliks both loved most about that was that they could sit outside in the warmth of the sun up to the late hours of the evening. They’d found a spot on campus, a little grassy field behind one of the libraries, where there were hammocks hung between the trees and enough space for them to put out blankets and lay down together and look at clouds. 

 

Feliciano’s sign language was getting much better, to the point where he could introduce himself and have basic conversations about things like the weather. He’d even been able to show off his skills to Toris’s younger brother when he’d come by to visit one weekend. 

 

Feliciano had also been to not one, but five ballet performances, two of which were Feliks’s. He came and sat in on practice sometimes, too, and was always left in awe at how talented the dancers were. Feliks had tried to teach him the basics of dance, but he didn’t have the same flexibility and grace.

 

As finals rolled around, they both spent more and more time studying. Feliciano, especially, had his nose in a textbook nearly all the time. Feliks would often sit with him in one of the hammocks behind the library, reading one of his own books or braiding Feliciano’s hair, or just sitting and thinking about how lucky he was to be with him. 

 

Feliks felt like Feliciano understood him better than any of his friends, and even some of the people in his family. They were so in tune with each other that Feliks could just look at him a certain way, and Feliciano would know exactly how he was feeling, and vice versa. Feliciano could also always make him smile, even when he was feeling nervous and unsure. He knew how to make Feliciano smile, too. He’d always break out into a huge grin and start laughing if Feliks wrinkled his nose and stuck out his tongue, which was something he often did without realizing when he saw something he didn’t like.

 

Feliks also felt like he could talk to Feliciano about anything. If something was bothering him, whether in his own life or in their relationship, he always knew he could bring it up without having to worry that he would change how Feliciano thought of him. Feliciano was also always very honest with him, and would let Feliks know if he was uncomfortable.

 

To say Feliks was happy would be an understatement. He was so full of joy that he always had a smile on his face and a spring in his step. He hadn’t found the right words for it yet, but he was in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with me through this fic! I know it took a super long time, but I hope it was worth the wait. Super huge thanks to my beta NordicsAwesome for keeping my tenses and commas in check!


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